Seasons

Jan. 7th, 2014 10:43 pm
te_chan01: (chibibaru)
[personal profile] te_chan01

Title-Seasons
Pairing- Yasuba
Rating- PG
Genre- AU
Disclaimer- Totally fictional :)
Summary- One year can change a relationship drastically, as long as both people are on the same page.
Note- This fic took so long to write, but I finished it! There are two parts because it was too big to fit in one post . Comments are <3~

Summer~


There is only so much a person can do in blistering summer heat. Maybe that was why I ended up in that shop that day. The air-con in the apartment was broken, and opening windows only made it worse. Despite the heat, I went out, deciding I could use a few things, like music and new clothes, since it had been a while since I last went shopping for anything other than food. The music shop was always air conditioned. It usually wasn't very crowded either. Normally, I could recognize every person in the store, even though I didn't talk to them. Or, I thought I could, until I saw him, staring at the back of a CD case down the aisle I usually went down. I stayed to the end of the aisle, waiting for him to either put it back or take it and leave, but for the longest time he stood there, chewing on his bottom lip like he were thinking hard about something. After another ten minutes and the guy still hadn't moved, I decided he wasn't going to soon and made my way slowly down the aisle. He was standing right in front of the music I wanted to look at, and he didn't seem to notice me standing there.

"...You like that kind of music?" I asked him, hesitantly. I didn't think he'd hear or answer, but when the guy realized it was him being talked to, he looked up right away.

"Oh, well I don't know." He said offhandedly, looking down at the CD, flipping it back and forth in his hands. "But I've wanted to try something new, and this seemes interesting."

"Are you new around here, or something? You haven't been here before, have you."

He shook his head, looking back up at me. "I'm not new here, but the shop I regularly go to is too expensive now, so I needed to find somewhere new. Besides, I found something interesting!" He smiled again, wider this time. "Oh, but I'm probably in your way, aren't I?" He picked up one more CD and backed up, heading toward the register with out saying anything else. I watched his back as he payed for his things and left, wondering why I thought more on the encounter more than anyone else I had met in the shop. Maybe it was just because he chose the one aisle I always favored when no one else seemed to. I just shrugged it off and picked up a few CD's and left the shop.


It was a few more blocks down, the clothing store I wanted. By the time I got there, my shirt was drenched and was sticking annoyingly to my back from sweat. It was so hot and humid that each breath was like trying to breath in steaming soup. Were a couple pieces of clothing really worth the trouble of almost dying from the heat? I wondered around the shop, relishing the cool air and trying to find anything that I liked. I was holding one shirt up, trying to decide if it was worthy or not. "That would look good on you." I heard from behind. I turned, and that guy from the music store was standing behind me, looking over his shoulder at me, his arms filled with clothes.

"Are you following me?" I asked before my mind had time to think. He just laughed at it.

"No, I'm not. I left before you anyway, didn't I?" It seemed like a very unlikely coincidence. Not entirely impossible, but extremely unlikely. . The guy seemed to at least show some interest in the same music, so maybe we had similar clothing styles, too. But just from looking at what was visible in his arms, he had a very different taste than most guys. "But it's a strange coincidence, isn't it?"

I'd say. It would be one thing if this were a mall or something, but this is a big city with loads of people. What're the chances?

"Maybe it's fate~!" He said, smiling, standing in a strange pose some people might call cute, one leg kicked up behind him and his index finger pressed into his cheek. Even if this was 'fate' it was freaking me out. I don't even believe in fate. It was a coincidence.

"Yeah, fate..." I said, feeling suddenly uneasy around this guy.

He stood there, still smiling, still staring at me. "You know, they're re-opening the public beach today."

"Are they?" I decided to amuse him by feigning interest. I'd turned my back to him, pretending like I was looking for another shirt on the rack behind me. His smiling and staring was unnerving. Who does that?

"Are you going?" The guy popped up in front of my vision again, making me fall back a little. The hell?

"Wasn't planning on it." I walked around him, heading for the back of the shop. I knew what he were going to ask next. I knew it. Almost for a fact. And honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to go anywhere with him, public or not. He was being a little too...in my face, especially for a stranger. I didn't understand why anyone would want to go anywhere with someone they had barely just met. We hadn't even exchanged names yet, making it even more strange.

"You should go! I go every year when they re-open it! It's always a lot of fun!"

"Yeah? Have fun, then."

He set your clothes on the floor and put your hands on my shoulders, turning me around to face you. "Come on! They have lots of games, and music, and food, and there's the lake, too!" You paused a moment, waiting for a reaction, and not getting one, you looked a little more determined and said, "They'll have all the free beer you could want."

Free beer. I could go to the comfort of my own home and have some. Or so I thought, 'till I remembered I had the last one the night before. After hearing that last incentive, having to go out and buy more seemed like a chore, one I really didn't want to do if I didn't have to. All the free beer I could want....

"...When're you going?"

Your smile widened. "We can go at three! I'll go home and get a few things and meet you there!"





I could've stayed home. I didn't have to come. He wasn't holding a knife to my throat, forcing me to go. Nothing was being held over my head. I could be at home, out of the nasty, blistering hot sun, simmering in the heat of my home with a fan in my face. But no. I stood outside, waiting for a certain Yasuda Shota to show up, because for some reason I was early. I couldn't believe I was actually there. There were a ton of people grouped up on the beach, making a ton of noise, running around, being obnoxious. The heat had me in a mood, a mood that whittled away at my patience for the annoying. I wanted to go home. And I would have, if that certain guy hadn't suddenly showed up, calling my name out.

"You came! I'm so glad!"

"Yeah," I said flatly, looking at you. "Me too."

Shota stood in front of me, smiling that creepy smile and staring at me. He were wearing a long, bright yellow tank top with a pink pocket over a pair of olive green knee-length swimming trunks and flip flops, carrying an over-sized, funky-colored bag over his shoulder. Looking at Shota's arms, they, strangely enough, didn't look as scrawny as they appeared under sleeves. There were muscles there. I hadn't expected that.

"What do you want to do?" Shota asked, getting antsy from standing there so long.

"Beer."

"That can wait. Let's do something else." You paused a moment. "Lets swim!"

Though the water was probably cool and refreshing and would give me a break from this goddamn sun,it wasn't appealing at the moment. I came for beer. "Nah."

Shota's face fell a little. "But- but those other things, they'll be there later. We can't swim if it gets too late, you know? Besides, now is the perfect time! It'll feel really refreshing!" He was too excited now, jittery and bouncing up and down, and after yelling one more 'Come on!', he took off down the beach, dropping the bag at some random spot, and pulled his shirt off in one swift movement. And what I saw come from under that shirt took me off guard completely.

That body didn't match Shota's face at all. I envisioned he had the kind of body that, despite being skinny, still had baby fat. Not hot, nothing particularly exciting to look at, but not too bad. The type of body people with cute faces, especially boys, should have. Boys with cute face shouldn't have that type of body! Because he didn't have any baby fat! Shota actually looked toned, strong, muscles and abs clearly visible, like he actually worked out! His damn face was deceiving. A person like you shouldn't be allowed to have muscles. Someone like you shouldn't be allowed to look h-hot...

God damn the heat.

Now, I was sure I wasn't going in. I really didn't want to take my shirt off at all.

"Come ooon!" Shota called again, throwing his shirt into your bag. "It'll be fun!"

I refused. I turned away, not able to stand looking at him and his body anymore. He made me sick. I really, really wanted to down a beer or two, to try to get the damn image of his naked torso out of my head. But suddenly, from behind, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist, and I was down in the sand, face-first.

I rolled over, unable to get up, and Shota was sitting on my stomach, hands on my shirt, trying to pull it off.

"What the HELL are you doing?!" I yelled, trying to fight pry your fingers from the fabric of my shirt.

"You're gonna come with me in the water!"

"I said I don't want to!"

"It's boring and lonely if I go by my self!" With one hard tug, he pulled the shirt off my head, and in a second he dashed off, twirling my shirt over his head, singing, "If you want your shirt back, come get it!"

Out of impulse, and the strong need to get my shirt back, I chased after Shota, all the way down the beach. I had almost caught up with him, when he stopped suddenly. I'd been going too fast to stop without falling, and he knew that. In the instant I passed him, Shota grabbed my arm with one hand, and with the other he shoved me into the water.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" I yelled. Shota tossed my shirt near the bag and walked into the water himself, smiling widely, looking very proud of yourself.

"Isn't it nice though? Cool and refreshing." He swam out to where the sand dropped off and floated there on his back. The sun shone off the water his toned stomach, and, feeling bitter and disgusted at him, I slipped under the water. Weird pangs attacked my chest whenever I looked at him and it was disturbing. This all wasn't fair.

"Can't you swim with you're shirt on?" I questioned him when I finally came up for air after I'd been down so long I thought my lungs were gonna burst. I had made my way back up toward the beach and sat half in and half out of the water, my arms wrapped around my waist, wishing I could reach my shirt.

"Why? Every other guy has their shirt off." His eyes traveled up and down me. "Oh, are you insecure or something?"

Insecure my ass. "No, it's just damn rude to show off."

Shota swam over and took the spot next to me, far too close for comfort. "Your body looks good too, you know?"

"Shut up. Stop your lying."

"N-No! I'm not lying! It's true! You look great, really!" His expression was so desperately honest it was hilarious. He was trying so hard to be prove it, and his face was turning red from sudden embarrassment from his outburst, and I was finding it hard to keep my laugh in when he was being so serious.

"Well, if you insist." I said, regaining composure.

He was still obviously embarrassed, but it didn't phase him too much. He continued smiling, again looking proud at himself. "At least I got you to smile a bit."

We spent a while in the water, until it stopped feeling refreshing and turned cold. Shota dragged me around the beach and the conjoining park where more stalls were, stalls filled of food and drinks, games, and small shows. I was sure we actually hit every single stall that was set up, thanks to Shota having restless feet and not wanting to stay in one spot for more than three minutes.

It wasn't until the sun was starting to set that we sat down on the edge of the sidewalk to wait for the free concert to start. Shota had gone and gotten us some drinks. I'd actually forgotten about them even being here, and the fact they were unlimited and free. But I didn't have a chance to think about getting drunk. I didn't even really feel like it anymore.

He came back with a few bottles, sat down, and placed them on the ground in front of us. We both popped one open. It was quiet for a few minutes while we both drank.

"Today was fun." I said, breaking the silence. Shota smiled and laughed a little.

"I told you you would. And see? Didn't even need these." Shota held his drink up a little. "I had fun too. Usually I go with the same people, and we do the same thing every year. By now,  they'd be drunk silly. So I thought, this year, I'd change it up a little."

"So you stalked the first stranger you saw and forced him to go with you."

"I wasn't stalking you! And, I didn't force you. You agreed. I'm glad you did." He smiled again, a smaller, quieter smile than the rest he'd shown. He seemed genuinely happy.

"How'd you know I wasn't going to be like your other friends?"

"I didn't. But you've never gone here on it's opening day, right? I figured, even though the only reason you agreed to go was because I told you there would be drinks here, I could distract you enough from it with everything else. And it worked."

Again, it was quiet. Only a little bit of sunlight was left, making it hard to see his face, even though we were next to each other. Not that I was really looking at it anyway. I was surprised how much fun it actually was today. How easy it was to get along with him. How right now, even though neither of us were saying anything, it wasn't awkward like it normally would be with someone I'd known for only hours. It didn't feel like I needed to force myself to try and think up something to say. Maybe I was just that exhausted that I didn't care. Maybe it was because of Shota's personality, and I knew if I didn't have anything to say, it wouldn't matter.

Maybe hanging him around wouldn't be so bad.

Fall~

It started becoming a normal thing for us to get together often. Even if there was work, we would find some time. More than anything, Subaru would invite me out with his friends for a night of drinking. More often than not, especially when we were out, he'd hang on me. At first I thought he might be drunk and that was why, but after watching how much he drank before he swung an arm around me, it wasn't nearly enough to be drunk yet.

But I didn't mind. I liked it. I wondered if his friends ever thought anything about it, if they noticed or cared- if he noticed or cared. It didn't matter either way. I wasn't lonely or in need of contact. I had plenty of people around me, while Subaru had a few friends he was close with. But it seemed like a different kind of contact than that of other people, nicer in a way, more comfortable, more personal. A warm feeling would fill me every time we came in contact. We were nothing more than good friends, though, who have only known each other a few short months.

~*~

Every night it seemed to get chillier out. I hugged my jacket around myself tighter, trying to keep the biting wind from blowing right through me. Subaru was walking next to me, attempting to do the same. "Don't you ever want to go home with your other friends?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Not like it's a big deal or anything, right? Besides, some guy might mistake you as a girl and attack you or something."

I didn't know whether to be offended or shrug it off. Sometimes, Subaru seemed to talk and act before thinking. Maybe that's just the way he was. "Well, thanks for your protection."

"Yeah. And I didn't feel like having to drag those guys home. They're so drunk, it's a bother."

I hadn't realized until now, but he had barely any drinks that night. I hadn't either, but my stomach had hurt earlier and I didn't want to end up getting sick while we were out. It was rare when we went drinking that Subaru didn't leave at least buzzed. "Do you feel alright? You sure didn't drink much."

"I guess I'm a bit off."

"Did something happen?" I stopped in front of him and pressed my hand against his forehead. "Do you feel sick?"

"It's not like that. I'm not sick."

"Then what is it?"

He shrugged a little. "If I go home with those guys, I get home pretty quick. Home feels a little suffocating right now. It's normally not a problem, living alone. Sometimes I'd rather it be like that. But lately-"

"Then come to my house!" I said quickly,  cutting him off. "If you ever feel lonely, you can always come over. Even if it's in the middle of the night, I'll let you in. So..." My words ran out and my face heated up.Why was I so eager to have him come over? My heart started beating quicker as the silence stretched on.

I think you tried to not make it serious. "Well, we're close to your place anyway, so why not? If you don't care."

I shook my head. "I don't care." I had noticed Subaru wasn't being himself recently, but I could never put my finger on it. Every once in a while I would catching staring off, away from everyone else, like he was far away from what was going on. But as soon as I noticed something caught his attention and he was brought back, a little more energetic but still only a half-baked version of how he usually was. Giving him a place to come was the least I could do.

We got to my house and I unlocked the door and turned the light on. I wasn't expecting anyone, but luckily my home was decent. Neither of us had been to each other's houses before, but Subaru made himself at home quickly. I was glad. I guess that meant he felt comfortable around me.

"You want anything to eat? Or to drink?"

"Didn't we just come from drinking?"

"Oh," I said, a bit flustered. "Oh, yeah, you're right." I didn't know why I was feeling so jittery. The nervousness hadn't started until we opened the door. Subaru didn't seem the least bit nervous, but in all honestly, I couldn't tell what he was thinking at all. To Subaru, it was probably just another visit to another friends house. And that was all it was right? Just two friends, visiting...

 I wondered how long he'd stay for. An hour? A couple hours? It was already half past midnight. Would he stay all night? My stomach lurched at the thought. Why? It's not like others have never stayed at my house before. In grade school, sleepovers were a normal thing. This was no different! And yet...

"Yasu?" Suddenly, or it seemed like suddenly- I don't know how long I was lost in my thoughts for- Subaru was right in front of me, staring at me like I'd just done something stupid.

"Wh-What?"

"Your shower. I'm going to use it. I've been trying to tell you but you wouldn't answer."

"Oh! Sorry, I must be real tired! I didn't even hear you. Shower? Yeah, sure. Do you want some extra clothes? You can borrow some of mine. You can just go in and start and I'll leave them by the door. Okay? Sounds great!" I took off down the hall to my room, closing the door behind me tight.

Weird I thought. I must have seemed so weird! I slid down my door until I hit the floor, holding my hands to my chest. It was beating so fast! Too fast! What was wrong with me? This...this isn't normal! I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to sort everything out. This never happened when any of my other friends came over. Not once. These feelings, I've had them before. Back in junior high, when I was in love with the girl in the seat over. That was the last time I ever felt like this. I thought I'd been dying, with the way my chest hurt every time I saw her, the way stomach would lurch with nervousness at the aspect of being so close, the way my words would run together when she was in front of me...Surely I was dying. You're not dying! my sister told me. You're in love!

I thought back, all the way back to the time Subaru and I met. Everything was okay. Nothing special was going on. We hung out a few times after we met, and we became friends. Everything was normal. We started seeing each other more often. Okay. So, a couple times I felt down when you said you couldn't come out. So, once in a while it made my chest hurt to hear you had other plans. So, sometimes really couldn't wait to see you again, and when I did, I'd get this pain in my chest that felt so good. So what?

...So, I have a crush.

I sat there for a few more minutes, letting it set in. When I had myself back under control, I stood up and collected the clothes, left the room and put them by the bathroom door. I went back to the living room and spread out on the couch, feeling spent. I came to terms with the fact that I was starting to have these feelings for Subaru. It was starting to feel okay. Well, there was nothing I could do about it, anyway. I didn't want to put a distance between us. But, then again, if what my mind is translating what my heart wants correctly, I didn't want to be friends anymore, either. I wanted more. And if what I want is right, I wanted you all for myself, my selfish side coming out.


 I couldn't say anything about it to him, not right now. Not until I'm 100% sure that these are real feelings and not some illness. I was pretty sure it wasn't the latter, but lets say it was. I would be sacrificing our friendship on a whim, even though the way my heart jumped when you finally came back from the shower, looking way too good in those clothes with that wet hair...maybe it wouldn't be just a whim. But right now, our friendship took presidency over any other feelings. So, I'll hold it in and wait. Wait until I'm sure it's the right time.



Winter~

The night air is cold this time of year. Even so, we sat outside in the middle of the park, our backs against the freezing bench, our shoulders barely touching each others. Just that little contact is enough to warm my whole body, inside and out. Shota held his hot drink carefully, only occasionally taking sips. He was looking up at the sky, not saying too much. It's only chance that we met out there that night. I was on my way out to meet Hina, Yoko and Ryo at the bar, and Shota was on his way in from shopping. He had been shaking slightly from being out in the cold so long, so I offered him a drink, which he smiled kindly and accepted. Shota was the one that chose to sit out side in the cold, the reason his hands were shaking, even though the cup should be warm. Shota wasn't wearing any gloves even though it was winter and he knew he'd be outside. I was tempted to reach out and take his hands, just to warm them up and save him from shivering. Would he think it was weird if I did? I've grabbed Shota a million of times out of impulse or no reason at all, but this was different. We weren't in front of anyone. It was just the two of us. I can't exactly justify it then, can I. Not like Shota would think anything of it anyway. To him, it's just a friendly gesture. So there would be no problem in doing it. But it's because its not 'just a friendly gesture' that I can't do it. So I'll just sit on my hands and wait.

~*~

It was that time of the year again. That holiday season. Most of everyone is happy about Christmas. I don't hate it, but it doesn't exactly put me in the best mood. It's cold, for one, and for two, there are all those happy, lovey couples out there, acting so sappy with each other it makes you want to throw up and you'd swear it was Valentines day, which is another day I'd rather not deal with.

Usually I'd just sit at home on that day, flipping channels to find a station that wasn't showing Christmas specials all day, or playing a game, or something equally boring and solitary.

This year was a little different. I sat on the couch, staring at my phone, contemplating whether or not I should give Shota a call. Just to see what he was up to. Nothing special. But Shota was probably out with his friends. He probably had plans. I was going to set it aside and forget about it when the phone rang and Shota's name glowed on the screen. He had good timing. And for some reason, I started to feel nervous.

"...Yeah?"

"Oh, hi!" Shota exclaimed like he was surprised. "I'm glad I caught you!"

"I'm home all day."

"Oh, really?"

I didn't feel like telling him I had no interest in going out on Christmas. Shota seemed like the person who would jump into a lecture about what there is to like about the season. "What about you? I thought you'd be out or something."

"Oh, no," Shota laughed slightly. " All of my friends have dates, I'd be a third wheel. "

Unexpected happiness started flowing in. "Since you're home all day, you wanna go out with me?"

"Sure," I answered without thinking. I was surprised by my own eagerness to answer. I'd been invited out by Shota a thousand times in the past, so why was I getting all jumpy about it now?

"Lets meet by the music store in the middle of town. I'll think of things to do on the way!" Shota hung up quick, probably to get ready. We both lived a pretty much equal distance from the center of town, but in opposite directions, so it was easy to guess the time he would get there. I hadn't done anything all day short of getting dressed, and even that was just in sweats. There was a lot to get done before leaving.

I ended up making it there before him. I figured that, given the fact his outfits probably took a good half hour to put together. Not that it took me any less time. At first, I thought I would find something good to wear, but then I wondered, why? There's no reason why I should. He were Shota, anyway. There's no reason to try to impress him. Why the hell would I have to? He were just Shota. We were just two people meeting up on an otherwise lonely and boring holiday. Besides, a coat would be going over it all anyway. Why even brush my hair when I was just putting a hat on it anyway? Forget it.

"Subaru?" I looked over to the side, and there he was, sitting there on the bench next to mine. His eyebrows were pulled up and he was frowning like he was worried. "Are you okay? You look troubled."

"It's nothing" I tried to cover any remains of what I was thinking. "When'd you get there, anyway?"

Shota smiled, laughing at me. When did his smiling and laughing stop being annoying? "Before you got here! You didn't notice me." His face fell into a fake frown, but perked up a second later. "I wanted to see how long it would take you to see me!"

How could I not have noticed him? He were wearing a bright red coat and brightly patterned, multi-colored pants (it looked like a rainbow threw up on them), not to mention the almost bleach blonde on his head. And yet I didn't see him.

"It's fine though," Shota sighed, standing up. "It looks like you needed to think, anyway. If you're ready, we can go now."


Shota took us on a tour of the city, each building was brightly lit by strings of lights. The trees on the side of the walkways were strung with white, and the shops were decorated with light up figures Santa and reindeer and what-have-you. It was the type of scene that made a person feel warm inside. Shota marveled in it, wide-eyed, mumbling out oo's and aa's as we passed shops that took decorating to a new level and the store had disappeared behind it all. He hadn't actually come up with any sort of plan. The theaters were sold out, every place to eat was booked up for the next 3 hours, no thanks to those damn couples. Stores were too crowded to go in to. There wasn't much else to do but walk around. Sometime along the way, it started to snow. We passed by couple after couple after couple, and as we did, I watched Shota deflate as his smile turned slowly into a frown and he wouldn't look anywhere but at the concrete sidewalk.

"We're getting close to my place," I said, after his mood seemed to hit rock bottom. "It's getting real snowy, anyway. We could go there for a while." Shota agreed to come, and you seemed relieved I suggested it.


"So, what was with you?" I asked, handing Shota a drink, taking a seat next to you on the floor against the couch. He took the drink and shrugged a bit. He wasn't so down anymore, but something was still off.

"It's nothing big or important or anything," he mumbled, taking a quick sip of the beer. "It's just, when you're single and become surrounded by couples, it gets a little lonely."

"I didn't think you'd be bothered by something like that."

"I don't, not usually. I mean, I have so many friends around, but it's not the same as being in a relationship, you know?"

"I guess so." There was a short silence, Shota doing nothing but swishing the liquid around in the bottle, staring at it intently.

"I felt bad, though, feeling like that. It's not like I was alone. You were with me. So there was no reason to feel that way!" It seemed like he was getting angry at himself. "And besides, I didn't even think of anything fun for us to do tonight. I dragged you out for nothing."

I was about to say something when the lights suddenly flickered a bit, then went out. For the longest time we sat there staring at each other, not saying a word, taken by surprise. After it started getting a bit awkward, I stood and went to the window.

"The snows really heavy out there now."

Shota followed and stood next to me. "It's like a blizzard!" His body went rigid as he started to panic. "What will we do? The powers out, right? That means there's no heat! We'll freeze!"

While you were thinking about freezing, I was thinking about the fact I couldn't let you go home in weather like this. Too dangerous. He'd have to stay here all night. And when it got too cold and blankets weren't enough anymore, we'd have to share body heat....

I shook my head at the thought. What the hell was that?!

"It's not that big of a deal..." I tried to sound casual, but that last thought kept circulating in front of my eyes and I was getting freaked out. "It probably won't get that cold in here that fast, anyway."


Well, it did. It was pretty damn freezing. Shota helped bring out any sort of blankets there were from the rooms. We both had our coats on, as well. With all of that, as long as neither of us had to get up for anything, we stayed pretty warm. We still sat on the floor, next to each other. Shota decided, as the night went on, to lean against my shoulder. I started having that warm feeling again, only this time, instead of just the end of our shoulders, there was more contact, and the heat spread through the whole left side if my body. Maybe he was just doing it to keep warm, or maybe it was just more comfortable than leaning back. But it didn't really matter why. He was doing it. Maybe not because of any special reason, but it still felt nice. A little too nice.

"You know?" He asked after a few minutes of being quiet. For the most part, we kept a conversation going for more than half the night. It was probably far beyond midnight, and the things we had to say were starting to run out, being replaced by drowsiness. "It feels good being this close to someone."

"That's just because it's warm and you'd be frozen otherwise."

"No! You know what I mean. It's the first time in a long while I've just sat here and talked to someone like this. Since I've been able to be this close with someone. It's nice."

"Yeah, well-" I felt something touch my hand, his hand, and my body tensed. All it was was a tiny touch, insignificant. Shota probably didn't think a thing of it. Just an accident. Yet that accident had my heart going at a rate it hadn't gone at for years. I looked at him, and he was out like a light. It hadn't even been five minutes since he said something last, yet already...That was fine. I didn't need Shota awake asking questions about why I'd suddenly tensed up, or why the second he touch me it felt like my heart jumped up my throat and he was so close that for some stupid reason I couldn't breath. It was starting to mess me up. And what could I do about it, anyway? Nothing has changed between us since we'd met. Shota never showed any sign we might be able to be more than what we were. Are. But if all this kept happening every time he touched me even slightly, every time he was anywhere close...It couldn't keep happening. Regardless of how nice it felt to have physical contact with Shota, no matter how good the image of sharing body heat looked in my mind, the feelings were getting to be too much. Too uncomfortable. Because Shota was Shota, a really good friend. A really, really good friend. Even if we could be more than that...no. The more and more I thought about it, the more it made my stomach churn and my chest hurt. Something wasn't right here. These feelings were too new, too uncomfortable. The more the idea sat there, the more I'd definitely regret pursuing it.

A break. Maybe that's all I needed. Too much of Shota wasn't good for anyone's health, really. Like how too much candy gives you a stomach ache, too much Shota gives me some weird chest condition. Maybe a little break from him would give me time to get rid of these useless feelings.

~*~

A/N:  This fic was too long for one post:  Here is part 2: http://te-chan01.livejournal.com/30981.html

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